SELF-PORTRAIT IN MY BEDROOM, JULY 2018 // thought I’d post my latest self-portrait. It’s sombre. It’s kinda how life’s rolling at the moment. A fair bit of shadow and hard light. I go to bed and I think to myself, and so it is. And so it is. And. So. It. Is. // Life’s like this sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta do the hard yards and grit your teeth until you get through. One of my favourite children’s books is “going on a bear hunt”: “you can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you gotta go through it.” Too right, mate. // As an aside, @eviekemp ’s great very cool hashtag project #beingyourbestselfie has “floral” as it’s word this week. So this post is for that too, due to the embroidered flower behind me. I love flowers. I like them in all their moods: fresh and open and delightful; heavy and dark; wilting in the heat and barely holding up.
WHAT IS DEEP WITHIN US IS WRITTEN ALL OVER US // notes for my ME MYSELF-i workshop in Whanganui tommorrow.
I am so looking forward to working with these women to make some kick-ass selfies. [ Ashurst August 11th, Wellington August 25th. Here’s the link for more info, and to book http://www.fleurwickes.co.nz/me-myselfi-workshops/ ]
PAINT ON MY HANDS // I spent the morning painting today. As in “artwork” painting, not walls. It is so exciting to me to push myself in a new medium. Working with paint is so much about the tactile/physical and also, for me I’m making marks that express something unspoken and silent in me, and somehow beyond language. I can’t describe it really. // I’m not sure the marks I’m making are any good yet, but each time I try it feels so damn good in my body - like a relief and release - that I keep on going, despite the “merit” of the resulting work. Perhaps the release/relief comes because of the fact I don’t know what I’m doing with paint, so my head is disengaged and I’m going with my gut ,and my body is fully engaged. I am always at my happiest when I am fully engaged with my body. This is a photograph of me after I’ve finished work for the morning. Paint all over my hands and pleased as punch. // Now onto completely different work for the rest of the day. Can’t say this artist’s life of mine is boring, lol.
PORTRAIT OF L, 2018 // I’ve been sitting with the photographs I made of L for a few weeks now. I’ve come to really like this one. The photograph combines her gentle kindness with her fierce strength, and those are the very characteristics I see in her. And I just wanna keep looking into her eyes: I can see her history there. // We all carry our history with us, eh. In our bodies, in our faces, in the stories we tell ourselves. What is deep within us is written all over us. That’s why how we present on the outside is in no way skin-deep. //
THE FUEL I RUN ON // My reusable cup and @thevillagesnob . Love his coffee, love his wit, love his location. I’m posting this because Paul’s running a competition where if you snap your reusable cup, you’ll go into the draw to win a week’s worth of coffee. Since I’m such a coffee addict, I’m super keen to win. / #thevillagesnob #coffeewithaview
MY WORK AT YOUR PLACE // Okay so I’m hardcore keen on you sending me photographs of my work at your place. My work is made for the domestic spaces it is bought to live in, and I love seeing where my work ends up! I heard that last time I asked for photographs, and offered a prize of a studioprint, that many of you were shy that your photos wouldn’t be good enough… Jeez! That’s what I’m for, to edit and crop and enhance the photographs afterwards to make them look primo. Don’t be shy! Send me a photo. Pretty please! I want to put lots of photos on my website because I’m so proud of the work I’ve done. I’ll keep your name etc private to you xx // Send them through by 5pm Sunday 22nd July and I’ll pick random person to win a studioprint. $155. Sent within NZ. [You can enter if you’re outside of NZ but you’ll need to pay for postage]. Okay sweet. Over and out. Just seen the time and I gotta go training. Pretty please? xx // PS: send via private message or firstname.lastname@example.org // CHOICE
BOUQUET // I completed a very difficult task today. Difficult for me, anyway. I’ve been stressing over this for weeks. And I mean weeks. Yesterday I hit a low point and I lay in the bath paralysed with fear and felt like running away and giving up. Giving up the idea I had. Giving up on bloody everything. With help from a dear friend and my business coach, I saw my fear for what it was. Just fear. Old fear. Old stories. Flight, fight, freeze. A classic pattern I’ve rerun nearly my whole life. // BUT I was able to get over my fear and I bloody well did it. I DID IT. I freaking did it! This thing I did is a milestone for me. Regardless of the outcome. Jesus wept getting over my fear is success already. // In the rush of excitement after completion, I grabbed a bit of charcoal, literally ran into my bedroom and drew on the walls like a child. God, the welcome release. We all it need it, eh. Release. // Plus. Bonus. I’m not gonna get told off for scribbling because I’m my own woman, and I can do what I want. Jesus I feel good. I feel good. // I watched Broadchurch last night. One of the characters talked about not letting the people who have hurt you win. Not letting fear win. Not letting darkness win. Today was one of those days where I felt like I freaking triumphed against all that damn bs. I won. Yeah for sure I’ve won the battle and not necessarily the war but hey all you can ever do is try from one moment to the next. Keep putting one foot in front of the other with clear intention and you get somewhere you wanna be. // Thanks JR. Thanks, T. I couldn’t have done this alone. None of us can, eh. It’s always love and connection that saves us in the end.
LIPS ON LIGHTBOX IN LOUNGE // when I was in Wellington recently I had the pleasure of revisiting this artwork I made some years ago. I love the bold decision the owners made to make the photograph I made of their child’s lips into an artwork which forms the central feature in their lounge. And it’s a lightbox! It was a mission to design and get made but man it was worth it. Still proud all these years later. And chuffed it’s still got pride of place in your home, L
THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO FLY [Portrait of H as a young woman], 2018 // I wrote these words on the portrait I made of H because that’s the message I wanted to give her: that there are so many ways to live this life, to find happiness, to find success, to find the place where you fit. // It all starts from finding and holding on to your own light, your own internal strength. // At H’s age, 16, my light was all dim and blurry. I lost a good part of it when I was a child, lost even more after I became a teenager and saw I didn’t fit into what was standard/normal and started to want to fit in and please other people, and began to look to the world for validation instead of to my own internal sense of rightness. I lost my self in the world, as so many of us do. // It’s taken me three decades to get my strength and light back. I did it by standing outside of a world where I didn’t fit and instead shaped a world for myself that fit me. Standing in my own place doing what I love, loving who I love, being someone I love to be. // It was so absolutely glorious for me to meet this wonderful young woman, H, and feel all that light and strength just radiating from her. Her potential is extraordinary. More than ordinary. She doesn’t fit in to “normal” and god I love that. She’s waaaay cooler than normal. // I just wanted to, with this portrait, reinforce to her that HER way of being in this world - her just as she is - is perfect. Extra-mofo-ordinary in fact. // H, there are so many ways to fly. DO IT YOUR WAY. Your way is beautiful. // [Ah, damn this is one of those days where I can’t articulate what I want to say with any kind of clarity but hey you’ll be used to me by now. I don’t have time to go over and over the words but I really wanted to post this image today. Maybe you can ignore my words and just look at the image. It’s got all I wanted to say in it anyway. ]
SELF-PORTRAIT IN THE KITCHEN’S AFTERNOON LIGHT. 11 JULY 2018 // I’ve had a klckass workday today. I took this photograph to celebrate the kickass-ness. // Wanna learn how to make self-portraits with me? It’s gonna be deep. And a helluva lot o’ fun. // WHANGANU1, Sat 21st July, WELLINGTON, Sat 28th July, ASHURST Sat 11 August // Here’s the link. http://www.fleurwickes.co.nz/me-myselfi-workshops/