This is what I hold on to

Standing at the kitchen bench yesterday I was thinking of my mother gone,  shoving corn chips in my mouth not because I was hungry but because I felt lost without her, and wanted to ease the ache of it.  I looked across to the window, maybe a noise outside made me turn.  I noticed the curtain moving in the warm afternoon breeze.  

I paid attention.  I made this photograph.  I find it beautiful.

Taking note of these small quiet things that make up my life is like an anchor for me; a way home to my self when I'm feeling untethered.

The tiny holes in the selvage, the rythmic gentle texture of the fabric itself. The warm black of the shadows. The heavier more solid other curtain in the background not made for moving in the wind, but instead made for warmth and keeping out the dark.  

We are told to live life large, to reach for success and the faraway stars.  I have tried that and found it a painful anxious way to live.  It seems to work for others, but for me I can't find purchase in that upwardly mobile life, and instead spent my days in a state of constant wearying grasping,

failing,

falling.

These days I've found a different way to live.  I'm not reaching for much.  Instead I've found something solid to hold on to:  the quiet beauty of a small domestic life. 

It unfolds right here in front of me. Every. Single. Day.  Without me even trying.

All I have to do is to stand still enough to notice.

• January 2021
  • 13 Jan 2021 SELF-PORTRAIT 13 JANUARY 2021 13 Jan 2021
• November 2020
  • 23 Nov 2020 Our rabbit, 2020 23 Nov 2020
• September 2020
  • 11 Sep 2020 LOVE ME A BIT OF FLUORO TUBING 11 Sep 2020
  • 10 Sep 2020 I decided to accept as true my own thinking 10 Sep 2020
• May 2020
  • 10 May 2020 10 May 2020
  • 4 May 2020 THE RAIN COMES DOWN 4 May 2020
• April 2020
  • 30 Apr 2020 STAR 30 Apr 2020
  • 28 Apr 2020 THE DAY AFTER THE END // Day 34, 28 April 2020 28 Apr 2020
  • 27 Apr 2020 TOGETHER // Day 33, 27 April 2020 27 Apr 2020
  • 26 Apr 2020 NIGHTMARE // Day 32, 26 April 2020 26 Apr 2020
  • 25 Apr 2020 I REMEMBER YOU // Day 31, 25 April 2020 25 Apr 2020
  • 24 Apr 2020 CROSSROADS // Day 30, 24 April 2020 24 Apr 2020
  • 23 Apr 2020 THE IMPORTANCE OF THINGS WE CANNOT SEE // Day 29, 23 April 2020 23 Apr 2020
  • 22 Apr 2020 QUIETLY, AND IN THE MORNING // Day 28, 22 April 2020 22 Apr 2020
  • 21 Apr 2020 X // Day 27, 21 April 2020 21 Apr 2020
  • 20 Apr 2020 UNION // Day 26, 20 April 2020 20 Apr 2020
  • 19 Apr 2020 SCRIBBLE // Day 25, 19 April 2020 19 Apr 2020
  • 18 Apr 2020 I GOT HIGH // Day 24, 18 April 2020 18 Apr 2020
  • 17 Apr 2020 BOX // Day 23, 17 April 2020 17 Apr 2020
  • 16 Apr 2020 ME, MYSELF I // Day 22, 16 April 2020 16 Apr 2020
  • 15 Apr 2020 I'M HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE // Day 21, 15 April 2020 15 Apr 2020
  • 14 Apr 2020 EVERYDAY SAVIOURS // Day 20, 14 April 2020 14 Apr 2020
  • 13 Apr 2020 BESIDE YOU // Day 19, 13 April 2020 13 Apr 2020
  • 12 Apr 2020 IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE // Day 18, 12 April 2020 12 Apr 2020
  • 11 Apr 2020 3,2,1 CONTACT // Day 17, 11 April 2020 11 Apr 2020
  • 10 Apr 2020 SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL TO HOLD ON TO // Day 16, 10 April 2020 10 Apr 2020
  • 9 Apr 2020 KINTSUGI // Day 15, 9 April 2020 9 Apr 2020
  • 8 Apr 2020 LET GO // DAY 14 8 Apr 2020
  • 7 Apr 2020 RETURN TO THE CENTRE // Day 13 7 Apr 2020
  • 6 Apr 2020 BLUE PARENTHESES // Day 12 6 Apr 2020
  • 5 Apr 2020 RE-IMAGINING // Day 11, 5 April 2020 5 Apr 2020
  • 4 Apr 2020 AND SO TO BED // DAY 10, 4 April 2020 4 Apr 2020
  • 3 Apr 2020 FOR THIS EVERYDAY LOVING // Day 9, 3 April 2020 3 Apr 2020
  • 2 Apr 2020 BLOOD TANGLE // DAY 8, 2 APRIL 2020 2 Apr 2020
  • 1 Apr 2020 WALKING THE LINE //. DAY 7, 1 APRIL 2020 1 Apr 2020
• March 2020
  • 31 Mar 2020 I WANTED TO TELL YOU // Day 6, 31 March 2020 31 Mar 2020
  • 30 Mar 2020 HOME, DAY 5, 30th March 2020 30 Mar 2020
  • 29 Mar 2020 NAVIGATION // Day 4, 29 March 2020 29 Mar 2020
  • 28 Mar 2020 RED CROSS // Day 3, 28 March 2020 28 Mar 2020
  • 27 Mar 2020 ONE DAY AT A TIME // Day 02, 27 March 2020 27 Mar 2020
  • 26 Mar 2020 HERE THERE IS US // Day 01, 26 March 2020 26 Mar 2020
  • 8 Mar 2020 The hope of my body 8 Mar 2020
• September 2019
  • 15 Sep 2019 Always to the stars, 2019 15 Sep 2019
  • 12 Sep 2019 Tenderness [ballerina] 2019 12 Sep 2019
• August 2018
  • 2 Aug 2018 IN L AND B's  UNFINISHED BEDROOM 2 Aug 2018
• July 2018
  • 19 Jul 2018 WHAT IS DEEP WITHIN US IS WRITTEN ALL OVER US 19 Jul 2018
  • 18 Jul 2018 BOUQUET 18 Jul 2018
• May 2018
  • 10 May 2018 Sleep well, I am still here. 10 May 2018
  • 8 May 2018 Doodles 8 May 2018
  • 8 May 2018 Comfortable in my skin 8 May 2018
  • 1 May 2018 The lovely boys, from a long time ago 1 May 2018
• April 2018
  • 28 Apr 2018 See ya later 28 Apr 2018
  • 28 Apr 2018 A damn fine morning 28 Apr 2018
  • 27 Apr 2018 A new perspective 27 Apr 2018
• February 2018
  • 25 Feb 2018 IT’S A KIND OF LOVE SONG, 2018 [for you, N] 25 Feb 2018
  • 2 Feb 2018 A new season 2 Feb 2018
• January 2018
  • 28 Jan 2018 These are our days 28 Jan 2018
  • 25 Jan 2018 Start from where you are 25 Jan 2018
  • 20 Jan 2018 Aliveness 20 Jan 2018
• December 2017
  • 23 Dec 2017 I went for a walk and I heard a man singing 23 Dec 2017
  • 18 Dec 2017 You me the sea 18 Dec 2017
  • 17 Dec 2017 My favourite kind of day 17 Dec 2017
  • 14 Dec 2017 Counterpoint 14 Dec 2017
  • 14 Dec 2017 Gaps and distance 14 Dec 2017
  • 12 Dec 2017 These red threads they tie us so beautifully 12 Dec 2017
  • 11 Dec 2017 It's a dog's life 11 Dec 2017
  • 10 Dec 2017 This too will pass 10 Dec 2017
  • 9 Dec 2017 Taking it all down 9 Dec 2017
  • 8 Dec 2017 Tie a yellow ribbon 8 Dec 2017
  • 7 Dec 2017 Such a beautiful dream 7 Dec 2017
  • 6 Dec 2017 This is what I hold on to 6 Dec 2017
  • 1 Dec 2017 In loving memory 1 Dec 2017