I completed a very difficult task today. Difficult for me, anyway. I’ve been stressing over this for weeks. And I mean weeks.
Yesterday I hit a low point and I lay in the bath paralysed with fear and felt like running away and giving up. Giving up the idea I had. Giving up on bloody everything. With help from a dear friend and my business coach, I saw my fear for what it was. Just fear. Old fear. Old stories. Flight, fight, freeze. A classic pattern I’ve rerun nearly my whole life.
BUT I was able to get over my fear and I bloody well did it. I DID IT. I freaking did it! This thing I did is a milestone for me. Regardless of the outcome. Jesus wept getting over my fear is success already.
In the rush of excitement after completion, I grabbed a bit of charcoal, literally ran into my bedroom and drew on the walls like a child. God, the welcome release. We all it need it, eh. Release.
Plus. Bonus. I’m not gonna get told off for scribbling because I’m my own woman, and I can do what I want.
Jesus I feel good.
I feel good.
I watched Broadchurch last night. One of the characters talked about not letting the people who have hurt you win. Not letting fear win. Not letting darkness win. Today was one of those days where I felt like I freaking triumphed against all that damn bs. I won.
Yeah for sure I’ve won the battle and not necessarily the war but hey all you can ever do is try from one moment to the next. Keep putting one foot in front of the other with clear intention and you get somewhere you wanna be.
I couldn’t have done this alone.
None of us can, eh.
It’s always love and connection that saves us in the end.