Layby: how some of the best art collections in the world have been made.
SCRIBBLE // Day 25, 19 April 2020
I’m glad I had my silly high-on-sugar party for one yesterday because yesterday evening turned out to be awful. What happened hurt someone I love deeply, and here I am in Wellington in lockdown, unable to go to them. I had literally no sleep last night and I’m feeling wired and exhausted despite the daytime nap I’ve had, and at the same time wishing so badly I had a boxing bag nearby so I can take out some of this fierce feeling on it.
I’m glad I had my silly high-on-sugar party for one yesterday because yesterday evening turned out to be awful. What happened hurt someone I love deeply, and here I am in Wellington in lockdown, unable to go to them. I had literally no sleep last night and I’m feeling wired and exhausted despite the daytime nap I’ve had, and at the same time wishing so badly I had a boxing bag nearby so I can take out some of this fierce feeling on it.
Life continues to happen, doesn’t it, regardless of this lockdown parentheses we’re all in.
Dark arguments play out, people hurt eachother with fierce intention, tears get shed. Stars look sharp and shiny in the dark of the very early morning. Cats take up half the bed. Daylight comes too quickly. Eggs get cooked, coffee gets drunk, work gets done, friends and family get called, possible futures are discussed, love gets made. More chocolate gets eaten. And then oh yes of course why not, someone else you love gets sick on another island. Whether you like it or not, everyday the shape of your life shifts. Again and again, until you’re dizzy from it.
This is how it is, this beautiful awful brutal delightful life. Always a rollercoaster. It’s just that right now we don’t have much to distract us from the up-down-twists of how the car is turning on the circuit.
[Scribble 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
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I GOT HIGH // Day 24, 18 April 2020
I got high. Strike that. I AM high. God it feels good.
An Almond Magnum. gotten at a dairy which was like a party in my mouth. Whitakers Creamy Milk - 1/4 a large block. A strong Good Fortune coffee from Petone made in our Aeropress. More Creamy Milk.. Yes, I am high on sugar and coffee. And did I forget life?
I got high. Strike that. I AM high. God it feels good.
An Almond Magnum, gotten at a dairy. It was like a party in my mouth. Whitakers Creamy Milk - 1/4 a large block. A strong Good Fortune coffee from Petone made in our Aeropress. More Creamy Milk. Yes, I am high on sugar and coffee. And did I forget life? I’m really enjoying not being sharp and clear but instead feeling loose and a bit out of myself. Quite literally, high.
As many of you know, I’m a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober for a decade, and that remains one of the things I’m proudest of in my life. But sometimes, I just want not to think so bloody much. Sometimes I just wanna let go.
These days I usually use hard excercise to get away from my fierce thinking brain but I put my neck out and the painkillers aren’t quite working and I’m not working out today, so damn it, bring on the sugar.
Not that I was having a bad day. In fact, I’ve had the most lovely day, spending a good deal of it horizontal in a warm and cosy and sunlit room. But I just felt like getting away from myself for a while. Know what I mean?
Jeez it’s been fun to have a wee one person party. My poor partner, having to deal with a fast-talking bright-eyed sugar-rushed woman in the middle of the afternoon….
By the time you read this post, I’ll be crashed out, down from the high, ready to calmly watch Netflix for the evening and return to my well-behaved way of being tomorrow… :-). [and I’ll probably have a sugar hangover too, but hey, that’s nothing a good hard sweaty workout won’t cure… . and it will have been worth it. ]
I love my life, my focussed mostly-sensible emotionally available clear way of being in the world. But sometimes a girl just wants to have fun... :-). You feel me?
[I got high, 2020 is availalbe as a limited edition studioprint]
BOX // Day 23, 17 April 2020
When you want to be brilliant, incisive and ahead of the game and begin the day making plans for your future and then you put your neck out, have a smacking great headache, and get on the go-slow train.
When you want to be brilliant, incisive and ahead of the game and begin the day making plans for your future and then you put your neck out, have a smacking great headache, and get on the go-slow train.
Despite trying to ignore the headache and pushing through, the day ends up feeling like a mess of disconnected ideas [those ideas literally laid out all over your floor].
You try to take solace in doing your daily “one day at a time’ drawing and all you got, after 15 attempts, is an empty box which nevertheless feels 100% accurate for how you’re feeling right now.
Hashtag is this the best I got.
Hashtag yes it is.
But hey, One Day At A Time, one foot in front of the other, tomorrow’s another day and can I cry now and jesus christ I want to go to my massage therapist sort my neck but I can’t because he's not allowed to work so too bad. Oh fck I'm whining again.
But wait, I just had another look at the drawing and actually, I quite like this box.
Day saved.
[Box 2020 is availalbe as a limited edition studioprint]
ME, MYSELF I // Day 22, 16 April 2020
Because, jesus wept, this lockdown brings you face to face with your self. The headtalk, biases, fears, perspectives, addictions, desires, loves, disappointments: The good, the bad, the excellent and the ugly.
Because, jesus wept, this lockdown brings you face to face with your self. The headtalk, biases, fears, perspectives, addictions, desires, loves, disappointments: The good, the bad, the excellent and the ugly.
It’s all about having the guts to look at what you’re being shown about yourself. Having the mental toughness to push through your own B.S, the gentleness of spirit to be kind to yourself in the places you fall and fail, the determination to stand up proud for the frankly fcking marvelous parts of yourself.
Me, myself, I. Because this life of yours belongs to you and no one else. Get on it.
[Me myself I 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
I'M HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE // Day 21, 15 April 2020
This one’s for the woman I adored right through highschool, Meegan. The words are hers. I took them from a message she sent me the other day. Meegan is literally fighting for her life right now. Battling aggressive cancer in order to stay in this life for her teenage boys.
This one’s for the woman I adored right through highschool, Meegan. The words are hers. I took them [with her permission] from a message she sent me the other day. Meegan is literally fighting for her life right now. Battling aggressive cancer in order to stay in this life for her teenage boys.
These words, said from the perspective and fierce clarity being so ill brings, rather than from some living-my-best-life positivity, literally stopped me in my tracks. Got me off the white-whiney poor-me lockdown rollercoaster I’d been riding for a few days.
Meegan, your determination and mental toughness is astounding, and so is your beautiful love for your boys. This dear life is bloody lucky to have you in it. Keep going, mate. You got this.
PS: You’re right, this life IS a good one. I just needed your reminder.
{I’m holding on 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
EVERYDAY SAVIOURS // Day 20, 14 April 2020
I spent time in the garden today, cutting back large kawakawa, thinking about where to go from here. Thinking big thoughts, using the rhythm of the sawing to ground me, calm me, soothe me. Make me feel everything will be okay.
Thinking how, despite all the fabulous or awful extraordinary events in our lives, in the end, it's what we do in the ordinary everyday that counts.
It’s the small things that you love, that you return to over and over that makes a life. Saves your life.
[Everyday saviours 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
BESIDE YOU // Day 19, 13 April 2020
It is such a pleasure being so close, learning who it is that you are.
[Beside you, 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE // Day 18, 12 April 2020
I made the first iteration of this artwork in 2018, during a difficult period. A time where I was feeling hemmed in by the small quietness of my life. I wrote the words as a reminder that there was beauty in my ordinary everyday, despite the corner I felt backed into. It was a case of write it down and make it so. The poem is also a loveletter to my home, the town I lived in, and to this country of ours.
I made the first iteration of this artwork in 2018, during a difficult period. A time where I was feeling hemmed in by the small quietness of my life. I wrote the words as a reminder that there was beauty in my ordinary everyday, despite the corner I felt backed into. It was a case of write it down and make it so. The poem is also a loveletter to my home, the town I lived in, and to this country of ours.
These words seems so exactly right for right now, for all of us doing it tough smack in the middle of this lockdown, that I felt compelled to make a new version to offer out to anyone who wants it. I’m not a frontline worker in any shape or form, but I wanted to do something. This is it. A wee bit of art to help you remember that, if you look for it, beauty can be found right where you are, even in the smallest of places.
“it’s beautiful here
in this small room
in this small town
in this small country
at the edge
of the world.”
[It’s beautiful here, 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
3,2,1 CONTACT // Day 17, 11 April 2020
I had the most amazing conversation this afternoon with a young woman who I’d like to call a friend, and is also a relation in the modern sense of the word. She had such wise advice to give me over something I was finding deeply troubling.
I had the most amazing conversation this afternoon with a young woman who I’d like to call a friend, and is also a relation in the modern sense of the word. She had such wise advice to give me over something I was finding deeply troubling. I talked, she listened & offered advice & perspective only a person of her generation could give. I feel so much better. Thank you, C!
Connection is everything. Making genuine contact. Even through the a phone call, genuine connection can be made, if your hearts are open and your words are true.
3,2,1 contact. It’s the reason that everything happens… [anyone else remember that show?]
[3,2,1 contact 2020 is available as a limited edition studioprint]
SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL TO HOLD ON TO // Day 16, 10 April 2020
When I was a child and upset, I’d rub the fabric of a blanket between my finger and thumb. It gave me such comfort. I’d do it if I was sad or scared, sick or in hospital for an operation. I particularly liked the ones with satin edging at the top - the smooth feeling contrasted with the rough of the blanket gave me particular pleasure. Gave me something beautiful to hold on to.
When I was a child and upset, I’d rub the fabric of a blanket between my finger and thumb. It gave me such comfort. I’d do it if I was sad or scared, sick or in hospital for an operation. I particularly liked the ones with satin edging at the top - the smooth feeling contrasted with the rough of the blanket gave me particular pleasure. Gave me something beautiful to hold on to.
Guess what we’ve got on our bed right now? Yep, you guessed right. I find such gentle certainty in its weight and texture, in its imperfect squares. Thank you, dear blanket.
[Something beautiful to hold on to, 2020 is availalbe as a limited edition studioprint]
Word/
feeling/
entry/
drawing.
Every day,
2025.