Doing all the ings with you, 2021

I was alone for over a decade. I had lovers and a boyfriend or two, but no one to share my life with, to be beside. One of the most enchanting things about now being with J.O is the domestics we do together. This artwork’s for you, J.O. I love doing all the INGS with you.

The stream-of-consciousness words I handwrote in pencil over the top of the photographic print are as follows:

Fcking. Loving. Kissing. Trying. Buying. Reading. Laughing. Sleeping. Eating. Emailing. Cooking. Texting. Barfing. Talking. Walking. Showering. Shopping. TV-ing. Washing. Gardening. Dressing. Undressing. Crying. Cuddling. Joking. Grieving. Delighting. Did I say fcking?⁠ ⁠

Guess I saved the best ‘til last, eh.

It hurts same as it ever did, 2021

This artwork is an important part of the ‘these ordinary days’ collection: it’s the dark counterpoint to the joy and light in the rest of the show. Grief and significant trauma is part of my history. No matter how far we move forward in this life, we carry our history with us. It’s how things roll, eh.

Most days I’m good. My life is mostly bloody excellent actually . But some days I fall to pieces with the pain of remembering, and I almost can’t bear to be back there in those old dark places. I painted this artwork on one of those days.

Wrote the words on an old velvet jacket I stapled roughly to my studio wall. I was in tears when I did it, felt like I was drowning in sadness. Felt like I was back to square one, back through all the years and in the thick of the pain. It helped, to go through the process of making the work, to express how I felt, to admit how I felt. Admit that it still hurts, same as it ever did.