Been daydreaming a lot lately. To be more precise, thinking how I want the shape of my life to be now. Taking part of the day to dream seems like a bloody good gift to myself.
It is however quite a hardcore thing to do - to take a clear look at the goods and bads of your life and decide the changes and the keep-it-the-sames. It's been taking a lot of my focus and energy. I get up at 5am and day dream [write] until nearly 7. It's a good process and I'm making progress. I'm surprising myself. I'm feeling more energised than I have in years.
Some days I also feel really scared. Scared of the bigness of what I want, scared of the bigness of my desire. Scared that every day it seems I get closer to living out the dreams in my head and it's somehow scary to think I could actually have what I've always wanted. That I'm allowed to have it. It's a vulnerable place to be. Lucky I dig vulnerability, eh. And lucky also that for some marvellous reason, my drive to do my work and live my life well is always just that bit bigger than my fear.
My dreams are actually fairly simple but as every artist knows, the simpler the line the harder it is to execute.
But I continue on.
Put one slow foot in front of the other despite the occasional wobble.
I just keep believing.
Day dream, 2022
