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Day 9, 3 April 2020

April 03, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

Because right now this is the only thing that matters, eh. ⁠

BLOOD TANGLE // DAY 8, 2 APRIL 2020

April 02, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

This one’s for all of you not doing okay.

Those of you who are not, right now: doing yoga, making exceptional plans for the future, doing brilliant WFH, home-schooling your child with ease and grace, soaking up the lazy hazy days of this slowed-down, sweet lockdown life.

For some of you, life right now will be brutal. Difficult. Very very dark. For some of you, some of the time, you’ll feel like you’re in a blood tangle on the floor, trapped inside the nightmare box of your spiralling-downward thoughts.

I just wanted to say: I see you. I’ve been there. I understand. And I’m sorry.

Find whatever/whoever it is that pulls you out of the darkness, whatever it is that helps you see the flicker of light when you’re down deep in that fcking well, and hold onto it for dear life.,

and this too will pass.

WALKING THE LINE //. DAY 7, 1 APRIL 2020

April 01, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

A lovely woman, T, messaged me today, thanking me for these wee daily artworks I’m posting, telling me they’re helping her face each day. Each day in which, at the moment, she has “this consuming feeling of sadness” which she feels like is smothering her.

This - edited -was my response:

“…and it’s so natural that you feel overwhelming sadness - there’s so much global collective grief right now. I think the way forward is to walk the line between acknowledging our grief/trauma/emotions, and not getting lost in it.

I WANTED TO TELL YOU // Day 6, 31 March 2020

March 31, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

⁠I woke up heavy and down, despite waking up to my lovely partner. Forced myself to get up and put on my workout gear. Went for a walk around the streets. I began quite tearful, my head full of feeling locked in by the lockdown: fck all this smallness. ⁠

HOME, DAY 5, 30th March 2020

March 30, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

All of a sudden, for all of us in New Zealand [and around the world] home means something so much more than it did.

NAVIGATION // Day 4, 29 March 2020

March 29, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

Trying to orient myself to this stay-at-home new-normal. Spent the day feeling dark and down, trying to find my way up. It wasn't easy. Full of stuttering stumbling difficult navigation.⁠

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The rain fell heavily all day. I felt trapped. Caged. Even the ridiculously excellent scrambled eggs with smoked salmon made by my partner, accompanied by an excellent kiss, didn't lift my mood. ⁠

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Finally the rain stopped and we got out for a walk. Christ it was good. But there was of course the polite moving away and tight smile from every person we encountered: social distancing is horrid. ⁠

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But I did see the most beautiful sight. Two kereru in flight. They are my very favourite birds. I've been seeing them all week here in Wadestown, but they've been sitting /shuffling in trees. Today they flew low down and right toward us and I got to hear the gorgeous sound of their heavy wings beating. It completely and utterly made my day. ⁠

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I'm thinking that if every day I can find it in myself ⁠

to find one beautiful thing/experience/moment, then that will keep my damn wobbly arrow pointing upward, and away from the dark fearful place it seems so easy right now to get lost in. ⁠

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One beautiful thing: I hereby set my compass.⁠

[ Navigation, 2020 is available as a limited edtion studioprint.]

RED CROSS // Day 3, 28 March 2020

March 28, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

A red cross for all of us who need a bit of care right now.⁠⁣

⁣For the nurses and doctors and all those in essential services, including two of my sisters and my brother.⁠⁣

⁣⁠⁣A red cross for the small grief I feel everytime I pass someone on our daily walk outside, and we move to separate from them, hold the requisite distance. Small griefs that add up to feeling quite tearful by the time I get home. ⁠⁣

ONE DAY AT A TIME // Day 02, 27 March 2020

March 27, 2020 in 2020, Parentheses

This is the perspective I'm taking on this. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.⁠

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I'm a recovering alcoholic [11 years sober, YES!] and in AA they teach you the value of what many would call these days "being present". If you think to yourself "I'm never going to have a drink again for the rest of my life", it makes you want to run at a sprint to the bottle store. If you instead think, I'm not having a drink today, it makes it all so much more manageable/possible. Especially at the beginning.⁠

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So that's me now. Not freaking myself out with the wide-angle view of this lockdown [or rahui, as my friend Lisa called it, which is a much gentler and less restrictive word]. Instead going, okay, today, I'm staying at home, today I'm just seeing the people in my bubble..today I'm standing in line at the supermarket, today I saw a kereru at closequarters feeding, today I had a videocall after-work party with friends. Today. Today. Today. ⁠

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And then tommorow comes and turns into today too and soon enough, all the todays become the length of time we've had to stay at home, and we will have gotten through.⁠

[One day at a time, 2020 is available to purchase as a studioprint]